Posts Tagged ‘random’

attack of the cute

… friday funnies …

~*HAPPY FRIDAY*~

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the lost hump day

OOPS! Wednesday seemed to sneak away from me…

here’s my excuse :0)

oh, the places you’ll go

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

inspiring and encouraging children to read with his witty rhymes and colorful characters :0)
and def the first author i fell in love with!

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”
― Dr. Seuss

~*HAPPY FRIDAY too*~

fun with words

straight from the birthday girl to my inbox – a little FUN with WORDS
(thanks D and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!)

The  Philosophy of  Ambiguity

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE  IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

Please enjoy and understand the following

DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS & APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS & APES?

THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE..

DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?

WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS”?

WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?

WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

holiday cupcakes

keeping up the holiday spirit i got started yesterday – check out these cupcakes, almost too cute to eat… almost
*<:0)

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coneheads & puns

hey look, its the Headless Horseman! no wait, that’s just Buddy with an E-collar on… poor guy :0(

he injured his tail, so to let it heal without him constantly nibbling on it, the collar has to be used. its kind of funny at times, watching him knock all over the house, he’s become our personal furniture re-arranger. but also kind of sad looking at the same time – look at this mopey face!

B: "My head's heavy, my tail's heavy... I don't like this at all"

lightening the mood, a total Mel-ish email was forwarded to me the other day, i think i cracked up out loud at just about all of these :0)

ALL PUNS INTENDED

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“Well, It’s Not Unusual.”

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” says Dolly.
“It’s true; no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know, I amputated your arms!”

13. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said. “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named ‘Ahmal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him ‘Juan.’ Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

19. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good) … A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

patiently waiting

i know it happens every year… what store is going to be the first to break out their Christmas/Holiday decor, sales and deals?! is it going to be right after Halloween, or maybe they’ll sneak it in right after Labor Day and no one will know the difference.

i dont know about you, but i kind of like enjoying the harvesting time and the thanks and grateful-ness that falls around thanksgiving season

ill admit it though, no sooner am i making a leftover turkey sandwich for lunch on the friday after thanksgiving are the boxes being pulled from the attic so i can warp into turbo-decorating mode for the day…

but for now, i am patiently and gratefully awaiting the arrival of my favorite holiday of them all, when i get to:
spend the morning baking and preparing food for the evening’s affair
all while catching glimpses of the Macy’s parade, you are never too old to enjoy it
oogle over the beautiful dogs on the National dog show
spend the afternoon and night feasting on great food
in the company of wonderful family and friends
and taking some ‘breaks’ with a cold one to catch up 0n the football games

what is there not to LOVE about this day?!