Posts Tagged ‘lifeness’

halfway there

“it ain’t over til the fat lady sings”, but since i’ve officially hit my halfway mark, i figured i’d share the news on my adventure thus far


Hungry for Living is growing again – outwards that is – a baby GIRL is cooking in mama’s oven!

she will be making her grand entrance into the world in the beginning of march :0)


since i reached out to the internet (amongst family members and friends) for answers, advice, and information through much of my journey so far, i wanted to share some things i have learned along the way, some life changing experiences i have gone through, and my plan for the second half of this beautiful trip we like to refer to as a FRIGGEN MIRACLE!

***warning: whats to come is lengthy and will most likely jerk some tears***

so here goes nothin!

towards the middle of last year the hubster and i decided that once the new year hit we were going to ‘start trying’… which btw i have come to laugh at this term ‘trying’… you’re quite frankly either doing it or you’re not!

off the BC pill for three solid months, our planets aligned and nature took its course – the seed was planted. i remember running a 10 mile race around st. patty’s day in preparation for my half marathon. the whole race i just didn’t feel like me. i was more tired than i should have been despite the proper fueling i knew i got and had this vague sense of awareness that something was just kind of off inside of me. well, low and behold a few days later the dipstick told me it’s tale, the truth was in the cross-hairs. i was indeed pregnant.

the joyous news spread throughout our family and closest friends. brain gears started daydreaming of times to come. doctor’s appointments were scheduled. THIS was what we had been waiting these past couple of months for.

when i was walking into my first doctor’s appointment, things just clicked for me with how REAL this moment felt. before that i just felt like a big kid, in a big kids body, doing adult like things. not now though, “i am going to be a MOM”, is all i can remember thinking at the time.

questions were asked. information was provided. blood tests were performed. and follow up appointments were made. i was cruisin’…

it was a friday afternoon, thankfully, while i was at work and got my first “oh shit” moment. on one unlucky trip to the bathroom (pardon the TMI-ness of all of this), the scene of red set off alarms in me that turned my dark side on to dreading the worst. like any person this day in age i went back to my desk and hit the net looking for answers, comfort, advice, anything to tell me that what i thought was happening really wasn’t happening after all.

as the night progressed and the symptoms got worse, reality began to set in. i remember feeling like a walking zombie of emotions that weekend, and for a long while….
bone crippling sadness, room flooding tears, anger, HATE, shame, confusion, self-pity, doubt….

a simple blood test the following monday and the truth was in the numbers – “blighted ovum” is what the nurse told me over the phone. “so a miscarriage?”, i replied. “yes dear, that’s what we call it”… but you know what, i was okay with this. i knew it was something that could happen, and i had the weekend to ‘get over it’, right?!

that was until i went over to my boss’s desk to confirm the news.
i broke down. HARD.
like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest.
thrown on the ground. stomped on. put through a food processor. then fed to the rats on the subway track.

why why why why why why w.h.y.

the truth is, there really is no reason why. don’t even go looking for it. i did, and i am still waiting to find it.

family and friends reached out in the tenderest of ways that they could with love, support, kind words and prayers; and i thank them all deeply from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and my husband in one of our darkest times.

it really is time that heals though, each day does get a little better. that and some good wine, a nice long run, and LOTS of distractions.
and ya know what? i’m really never going to fully get over this. but i dont think we are meant to either. just like with many other challenges in life, we experience, we learn and we grow.

so we tried again, once my body had time to heal and the doctor said it was okay. i have to thank my lucky stars to be so blessed in the manner that i actually CAN get pregnant, after going through the MC, the stories start coming out of the woodwork, and man, does everyone have their story!

the second time around, the seed took again. the appointments were made. but the joyous news was not spread. we were a little nervous about it all, understandably so, and decided to hold off on sharing this ginormous secret until i hit 12 weeks and the MC risk lowered.

and thankfully we did. “your numbers aren’t doubling like they should be” was the phone call i got from that same saintly nurse, after three doctors visits and three rounds of blood work. WHAT?! to the net i went again. ‘non doubling hCG levels’ was the search i put in and 1 out of the 1000’s of answers i found said there was hope… and i clung with all of my godforsaken might to that.

off to the reproductive endocrinologist i went. doubtful, but keeping in mind that anything can happen. “it looks like there’s something growing in there but i wouldn’t get your hopes up, these things usually don’t work out” can you just tell me it’s okay to go home and drown out my sorrow with a bottle of vodka – PLEASE?! my healing heart was still so raw, i didn’t know if i could do this again.

i didn’t succumb to the bottle though. i thought good thoughts, prayed, and did my best to take care of my body and this hope growing inside of me. at week 11, after weekly ultrasounds to check on the baby’s progress i was cleared to go back to my OB’s care… we beat the odds, again – this baby has one tenacious little soul!!

the next week was the nuchal translucency test when the hubster came along to see the baby for the first time – one proud papa – and that afternoon we smiled some sweet, sweet grins and spread our news that miracles really do happen.

has the fat lady sung yet?

i found out at 16 weeks i had placenta previa. why i hadn’t learned by that point to STOP going to the internet for information is beyond me! i sat in the parking lot of the hospital balling my eyes out after reading some articles online about it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! is all i remember thinking. preterm labor, bleeding out, blood transfusions, possible death…

‘call mom’ is what i should have done right away. yes, i am 28 years old and i still call my mom and dad for advice, and i’m very proud of that :0) she carried me for 8 months with placenta previa until the placenta moved into position, just like they say it does 90% of the time, and i popped out the good ol’ fashioned way.

“you can do anything you put your mind to”
i sat for 15 minutes a night for the next two weeks using my mind and breathing to WILL my placenta into the proper position. why? because there is not a single other thing one can do about the situation, so i might as well turn to willpower. and at my 18 week ultrasound the surprised tech told me it really did move, i was now at marginal/partial previa.

two more weeks of brain powering my placenta into moving and it’s still working. at the 20 week anatomy scan today, all of the body parts are growing how they should be, and the placenta is continuing to move.

like i said at the beginning of this VERY LONG heartfelt post, “it ain’t over til the fat lady sings”. we know there are still many things that can pop up in both pregnancy and life that we’ll have to tackle when that time comes, but for now were relishing in the joy of welcoming our baby girl into this world.

i am halfway there and looking forward to the second half. a wise woman advised me “you’re no longer training for races, you’re training for child birth” and that is exactly how i am looking at this all. i have pushed my body and mind to levels i never fathomed i could achieve once i began training for triathlons and half marathons… so i’m looking at this childbirth thing in the same light.

get back to me in March about the whole ‘child raising’ thing – one step at a time!!


***this is just my tale. i have been putting off writing about any of this for quite some time now, i never really knew how to go about it all… my heart needed to write this – to take another step in healing, to spread my experience and findings, to help the seeking souls who may be experiencing a similar situation. if i hadn’t stumbled upon the few and far between comments i read on the net telling about their fortunate outcome to their tales, i would have thrown in the white flag long ago, and i thank those brave women for telling their stories***


color me pink

i have been
i’ll be the first to admit it… up until my rude awakening during today’s lunch break of watching an episode of Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution, i hadn’t really put much thought into it. IT being PINK SLIME.

i know, i know, what have i been living under a rock?! its been all the rage in the news these days.

but today’s the day, i’m not turning back and i’m taking a stand. no more PINK SLIME will make it past my lips… and even though its rocky terrain trying to brainwash others ;0) i’ll do my best to keep my family and friends from ingesting this gnarly stuff as well.

SOOO – the who’s and what’s:

in a nutshell – it’s processed scraps of beef trimmings and fat (ie the parts of the cow that don’t make it to the shelves) which are then treated with ammonia (NO JOKE! – that’s how they pass it off as ‘killing the bad stuff’)

and chances are YOU have had it too – if you have feasted on a burger at a restaurant or fast food joint, a friend’s bbq, bought lean ground beef at a food store, and the saddest yet, public school lunches!
insert gag reflex

it’s mixed with ground beef to stretch it out, manufacturers can produce more product for less money, and sometimes it’s not even mixed with real ground beef, you’re just eating straight up, cooked PINK SLIME!

what can you do?
KNOW WHAT is in the food you eat
KNOW WHERE the food you eat comes from

as of May 2012, these stores and chains DO NOT SELL beef products with pink slime additives or filler:
Whole Foods Market
Kroger (which includes King Soopers and City Market stores)
Stop N Shop

if you are not at one of these places and unsure of what you may be about to purchase to make your tasty meat balls for dinner, ask the butcher! they can point out the products that do not include additives and fillers.

don’t get SLIMED, get educated!

the cure

nicely said Isak

curve balls

this week’s friday funnies are being intercepted – just THIS week, back to normal by next… if you are looking for a laugh, click HERE for the archives

what do YOU do when life throws you a curve ball?

i could not have said it better myself, so i’ll let Kimberley Cohen take over:

What to do when life throws you a curve ball:

Keep batting and don’t give up. Learn to hit them right out into the stands and run all the bases for a home run. Hear the crowd go wild. Feel the glory inside that you didn’t throw down your bat in defeat.

We are all pitched a few curve balls in life. Some can throw your whole game off if you aren’t prepared to deal with them.

We only have to watch the news, read the newspaper, lose our jobs, become ill, lose a loved one, have problems in relationships, age, or experience financial setbacks to know we have just been thrown a curve ball. Just about anything can feel as if we were pitched a deuce.

It can leave us feeling frustrated, discouraged, defeated, anxious, angry and depressed.

So, “how” do we handle these unexpected curve balls?

That is the question and the answer. It is all in the “how”. Even if you miss the pitch, it doesn’t mean it has to throw your whole game off, or that you are out of the game. It’s a temporary setback, an unexpected toss, a curve ball.

The thing is, we will experience challenges from time to time in our lives. The more curve balls we are thrown, the more practice we will have at hitting them and running those bases for a home run.

You have to know that when you hear, “Strike One, Strike Two, Strike Three, You’re Out”, it doesn’t mean you are out of the game. It means you are only out until the next time you are up to bat.

There will be another inning, another game, another chance, and “how” you handle the curve balls is really up to you. You can lose your confidence, your spirit, your love of the game or, you can take your stance at home plate, swing like you have never swung before and know you have a chance a hitting that ball far out into the outfield or the stands.
In a sense, you’re the batter, the team, and the crowd. Your attitude is what gets you onto the first, second, third or home base. You are your own team and crowd cheering you on, or booing and beating you down. Which will you choose?

If you choose to have an attitude of defeat, guess what? You will be defeated. Yet, if you have the attitude of “how” am I going to get to the first, second, third or home plate, you are opening up a whole playing field of opportunities.

Yes, you might get a little dirty, in fact, even muddy. You might strike out a few times and not get to any bases right away, but know they are there in every game and you will get to them.

You just have to pick up the bat and you will be hitting home runs again in no time at all. Perhaps it’s time for a new stance, a new bat, a new team or crowd. Maybe… you missing the curve ball is really an opportunity to hit a home run on the next time up to bat.

You see, you never know when you step up to bat what kind of ball is going to be thrown your way. All you can do is practice at hitting different ones and know that one of them is going to be a home run, and that there are other innings and other games.

It’s not about winning the game. It’s really about “how” you handle those curve balls and whether you throw down the bat in defeat, or know that your next time up to bat could be a home run.

Which will you choose?

Remember when you Shine, the world shines brighter because of you!

let yourself feel the frustration, discouragement, defeat, anxiety, anger and/or depression, for a bit, remember it’s only human to FEEL

expect to get sucked into the river of life without a paddle, and maybe even get tossed out of that canoe without your life preserver on. life is good when you let if flow naturally… learning to swim and going with the flow of the river is all a part of life, and it’s many, many curve balls we will all be thrown.


sippin cherries

“Nothing says ‘gee that really sucks’ better than Grey Goose’s newest flavor of vodka…”
thank you D – I really needed that :0)

it’s very tasty as just a sipper and mixes deliciously with a wide range of ingredients like fruits, sodas, chocolates and spices

Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka

check out their site for more info and recipes to whip up some tasty cocktails of your own


this weekend i hit up, for the first time ever, the Deep Cut Orchid Society’s annual show

i’m not gonna lie, i really thought we’d go there and see tons of the regular looking orchids you see around

WOW – was i in for a rude awakening!

my jaw was on the ground, there were SO MANY different types filling the greenhouse with their beautiful colors, textures, shapes, and smells

this totally hits the ‘ya learn something new every day’ nail on the head


did you get out on Saturday to RUN FOR SHERRY?!

six of us pinned on our bibs and hit the scenic trails in honor of Sherry and all of the other bikers, runners, walkers, hikers who never made it home to their families. it was such an unexplainable feeling knowing there were people all over the world doing exactly the same… what a beautiful thing :0)

in honor of Sherry – this Saturday

last week i posted about the ‘Virtual Run’ i will be participating in on THIS Saturday in honor of Sherry

if you live in the Jersey Shore area and want to join the (so far) small group that i have been getting together to run, walk, bike, skip, or jump our way along some beautiful scenic trails, email me at Hungry4Living at gmail dot com for more details!

not in the JS area but want to join in on honoring Sherry?!

no matter what part of the world you are in
runners, walkers, bikers, hoppers, skippers and jumpers are all welcome!
pin on a race bib (found here), snap a pic, hit the streets, trails, beach… wherever – for as long or as short as you want

send your picture to me – or send them straight to SUAR

**why are we joining people all over the world to honor Sherry in this Virtual Run**
on January 7th, 2012, Sherry left her house early in the morning for one of her usual runs. after she did not return home within a reasonable amount of time, her husband alerted the authorities. one of her running shoes was found by the side of the road just ONE MILE from her house. her body has still not been found but two men have admitted to kidnapping and killing her…. i get goosebumps just writing about this.

here’s to ALL of the runners/walkers/bikers out there who never made it safely home